This is yet another beautiful week. How have you been? I hope you’ve been good my darlings; as always you can tell me about your week in the comment section. I have been graced and blessed this week. As I write this, there is so much that I am dealing with emotionally and mentally.
If you read my previous post here, you would possibly remember that I had mentioned my situation for a minute. Well good news/ bad news the tears finally came. The pain in my heart is unbearable, it’s like someone has driven a knife into my heart and keeps on twisting it. I have periodic bouts of long and loud wailing and crying. Knowing my love for food, I am not eating enough. Nothing tastes the same too. I woke up today and I couldn’t bring myself to make my bed just to poetically make a statement how my life felt at the moment.
All this pain is due to the loss of something that I held so dear. In my mind I always thought that I would never have to live without it but I guess that wasn’t God’s plan for me. At some point I had to choose between God and this thing. After trying to practice a bit of syncretism, compromise and giving excuses; I got tired of being so double standard. It was either I risk losing this thing and follow God’s perfect will for me or keep this thing and not follow God’s perfect will for me. Eventually I went with God’s perfect will.
Why did I chose this path?
Well despite the many days if self-criticism and self-judgement (oh the pain of a hypocrite) #chronicles of hypocrisy; I realized that I could trust God to give me this thing but this thing could never lead to God. I realized that He is all powerful and that if I took His side I would definitely get my thing back or even something better than my thing. And so I took a dive because I know exactly who I am living for; God my creator. He is going to restore me.
But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds declares The Lord because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.
I will give back what you lost in the years when swarms of locusts ate your crops. It was I who sent this army against you. Now you will have plenty to eat and be satisfied. You will praise the Lord your God who has done wonderful things for you. My people will never be despised again.
My darlings this situation has been on my mind for so long. It was even the inspiration behind the Blueprint. I was trying to convince myself to give God full control if my life. I am very excited (screams) about what God is going to with me now that I have given Him all of me. My darling, you better stick around to hear me testify!!!! Hey!!! You better!!
Well I won’t lie that it’s not painful right now, it’s very painful but every tear and hurt will be paid back with a lot of blessings and I am anticipating for the great things that He is going to do. I am also grateful for His manifestation in my life. I feel like He prepared me for this. He first led to study self-worth and then when it rained I wrote about the beauty of the storm due to the sunlight that comes after it. My God is indeed wonderful. He is doing something good behind the curtains and I can’t wait!!! (Screams)
So my darling are you on the fence? Are you being lukewarm? Are you stuck in the middle? Are you at crossroads? Time has come, you have to choose a side and I hope you choose the best. You can tell me about your struggles on the comment section or if you want to get more private, my email inbox is waiting eagerly for you; firstname.lastname@example.org.
Also please let me know if you love the poem I Incorporated.
With love and flowers
Facebook: Jackline Njagi